Ever dreamed of launching the world’s fastest blockchain—without sweating decentralization, network security, or anything remotely “hard”? This is your definitive, tongue-in-cheek roadmap to building a layer-1 chain that hits a wild 1 billion transactions per second (TPS). Forget consensus. Forget the network. Just get the numbers that make investors and Telegram speculators drool.
Step 1: Crank Up the Supercomputer and Run EVM Solo
Start simple: grab a monster server—one top-tier machine, not a distributed network. With the right hardware, you can run the Ethereum Virtual Machine (EVM) at up to 100,000 TPS. Just ignore those old “bottlenecks” like the Patricia Merkle Trie, which is supposedly there to enable things like state rollback and reorgs. Nobody’s got time for that. Plus, “EVM-equivalent” is still a hot keyword for getting devs on board. Your chain, your rules.
Step 2: Skip the Network—Who Needs Consensus?
Why bother with multiple nodes and all that tiresome consensus overhead? You only need one machine to make a “network”—technically speaking, anyway. Consensus is overrated. Just spin up a bunch of nodes on the same box, slap on some buzzwords (“data availability nodes” is a winner), and you’re golden. If anyone asks about decentralization, just point to your node dashboard. Problem solved.
Step 3: Fake Sharding with 100 Copies
Ready to take it up a notch? Make 100 copies of your single-machine “network.” Call this sharding, and you’re right on trend. In real sharded blockchains, there’s some fancy coordination to ensure cross-shard communication and prevent collusion. But why bother? Just let your 100 “shards” run in blissful ignorance of each other. Multiply it out: 100 shards x 100,000 TPS per shard = 10 million TPS, with zero hassle.
Step 4: Ditch the EVM for WASM-JIT Bragging Rights
Time for the turbo button. The EVM is old news—slow, stack-based, and way too focused on portability and correctness. Go for WASM-JIT (WebAssembly Just-in-Time compilation). WASM runs natively and is up to 100x faster than EVM in real-world benchmarks. Most modern languages can compile to WASM, so you’ll sound cutting-edge while executing like lightning.
Now apply the same math: 100 WASM-based shards x 10 million TPS = 1 billion TPS. There you have it. TPS arms race, won.
Bonus: How to Deflect Hard Questions (With a Straight Face)
- If anyone brings up “security,” just say your network is in “private beta.”
- If someone asks about censorship-resistance, reference your “roadmap for future decentralization.”
- Still getting grilled? Point to your block explorer and talk up your “record-setting on-chain throughput.”
“With enough marketing and a glossy dashboard, nobody will care how many real nodes are in the network—or if there’s any real consensus at all.”
Bottom Line: Who Needs Decentralization When You’ve Got Hype?
Congratulations! You’re now the proud owner of a billion-TPS blockchain (at least on paper). As for decentralization, security, and shame—leave those to the competition. Just focus on delivering the big numbers, the big pitch, and an endless stream of hot buzzwords.
Stay tuned for the next installment, where we show you how to break your own records with “optimistic concurrency” and “AI validators.” Because why stop now?
